4 ways to replace the penalty kick shootout (football purists, don’t read)

By Les Tan/Red Sports

So was anyone awake by the time the Paraguay vs Japan game got to penalty kicks?

0-0 after extra time, Paraguay won 5-3 on penalty kicks. That was surely the worst round of 16 game in the World Cup.

What can replace penalty kicks?

Here are a few suggestions. (Warning! This belongs in the “tongue-in-cheek” category. Uptight football purists, don’t read. : ) )

1. Remove one player every five minutes until a goal is scored
Wouldn’t that be fun?

Less players, more room. More room, better passes. Better passes, more goals. Somebody wins.

2. Make extra time a 7-a-side contest
Not fit? Die in extra time.

3. Remove the goalkeeper for the second period of extra time
Still can’t score? Yank the keeper. Still can’t score after that? Don’t know what to say.

4. Remove the referee (My favourite)
Let them settle it. Man to man. Just go for it. I won’t even suggest an honour system like they have in Ultimate (frisbee). I don’t think it’s possible. (Of course, you can’t pick it up with you hands. Goes without saying.)

One benefit of this? No one will be rolling around, writhing in mock pain from non-existent tackles, trying to con a referee. Everyone will be up and running all the time, scared to death about losing.